Interactions between humans in a world full of society is, in a sense, inevitable. No matter where you go and what you do it is almost impossible to encounter it without interacting with other human beings for whatever reason it may be. Such interactions may or may not have good result, sometimes the results are as satisfying as it gets, but other times it can inflict a "mental injury". It doesn't necessarily means trauma, those "mental injury" is basically just intense moment of displeasing and discomforting situation that you experienced (again doesn't have to be traumatic). To survive, we humans evolved our psychological function to adapt to such situations and thus born the terms "Forgiving". But for some unknown reason, forgiving is now being translated to forgetting your problems, of course the actions of forgiving is way far off from forgetting something.
Let us start with forgetting, an action we take to simply disengage our brains from a particular access of memory file. For example, if we're trying to forget our ex, we simply need to induce our brain with other actions or interactions that are more engaging and more attracting for our brains at that time. We do not actually require anything other than a more complex and continuous stream of stimulus from the outside world that will basically "distract" our brain so it can temporarily disengage a particular moment from our memory so that particular moment becomes less important to us than the simulus we are having at the moment. But in doing so, we are only flooding our brains with another stimulus, and not exactly doing anything to resolve that particular displeasing and discomforting moment.
As for forgetting, well... it is not as simple as flooding our brain on other stimulus. It is the action that we took to resolve whatever displeasing and discomforting moment that we experienced. It is not simply accepting the event that has happened, nor is it as simple as "viewing it in a more positive sense" or "how would i feel if i were in their position?" oh no it is not as simple as that. Forgiving is a complex and emotional process of releasing the bias judgement our brains made on that particular displeasing and discomforting event. What do i mean by that? Think about it, whether the event we experienced is bad or not, is up for us to decide, likewise, that same event could be viewed as a positive event by other participants, for they choose to view it that way. But forgiving isn't about viewing it as positive, rather it is about releasing the judgement we make on that particular event, it is about renewing our way of thinking about that event, it is about making a conscious decision about how we react to that particular event, and finally it is about making an effort to not let that particular event to cloud over our decision and take over what we are experiencing right now, or what we might experience in the coming moments.
As such, forgiving takes time, like i said, it is a process not a result. Then you might ask what is the result of forgiving something? Simple, since you regain control over your actions and reactions about that particular event, you no longer feel the hatred and sadness you felt before because you're the one making the calls. Why do i know you won't feel hatred and sadness? Because basic human nature. What do i mean? Simple, look into yourself and ask, do i really want to have an intense experience that only consists of displeasing and discomforting moments? Because in order for something to be truly relevant that it needs forgiving, it needs to be an intense experience. For example, you don't get mad at your hand if you miss a fly do you? Usually you won't, because it is not an intense experience so your brain quickly finds comfort in reasoning like "oh that fly is just too fast" or "missed it by THAT much". But if an event is intense enough that it needs forgiving then your brain probably won't listen to reasoning such as that. And that is why, if you find yourself trying to forgive some event or experience in your life, go easy on yourself. It takes time, and remember, there's nothing wrong with sharing your experience once in a while. Who knows, even if the solution that comes out of the mouth of the people you shared it with isn't what you expect, the experience of you sharing your problems might help you progress in your path to "forgiveness".
Thank you for reading
Let us start with forgetting, an action we take to simply disengage our brains from a particular access of memory file. For example, if we're trying to forget our ex, we simply need to induce our brain with other actions or interactions that are more engaging and more attracting for our brains at that time. We do not actually require anything other than a more complex and continuous stream of stimulus from the outside world that will basically "distract" our brain so it can temporarily disengage a particular moment from our memory so that particular moment becomes less important to us than the simulus we are having at the moment. But in doing so, we are only flooding our brains with another stimulus, and not exactly doing anything to resolve that particular displeasing and discomforting moment.
As for forgetting, well... it is not as simple as flooding our brain on other stimulus. It is the action that we took to resolve whatever displeasing and discomforting moment that we experienced. It is not simply accepting the event that has happened, nor is it as simple as "viewing it in a more positive sense" or "how would i feel if i were in their position?" oh no it is not as simple as that. Forgiving is a complex and emotional process of releasing the bias judgement our brains made on that particular displeasing and discomforting event. What do i mean by that? Think about it, whether the event we experienced is bad or not, is up for us to decide, likewise, that same event could be viewed as a positive event by other participants, for they choose to view it that way. But forgiving isn't about viewing it as positive, rather it is about releasing the judgement we make on that particular event, it is about renewing our way of thinking about that event, it is about making a conscious decision about how we react to that particular event, and finally it is about making an effort to not let that particular event to cloud over our decision and take over what we are experiencing right now, or what we might experience in the coming moments.
As such, forgiving takes time, like i said, it is a process not a result. Then you might ask what is the result of forgiving something? Simple, since you regain control over your actions and reactions about that particular event, you no longer feel the hatred and sadness you felt before because you're the one making the calls. Why do i know you won't feel hatred and sadness? Because basic human nature. What do i mean? Simple, look into yourself and ask, do i really want to have an intense experience that only consists of displeasing and discomforting moments? Because in order for something to be truly relevant that it needs forgiving, it needs to be an intense experience. For example, you don't get mad at your hand if you miss a fly do you? Usually you won't, because it is not an intense experience so your brain quickly finds comfort in reasoning like "oh that fly is just too fast" or "missed it by THAT much". But if an event is intense enough that it needs forgiving then your brain probably won't listen to reasoning such as that. And that is why, if you find yourself trying to forgive some event or experience in your life, go easy on yourself. It takes time, and remember, there's nothing wrong with sharing your experience once in a while. Who knows, even if the solution that comes out of the mouth of the people you shared it with isn't what you expect, the experience of you sharing your problems might help you progress in your path to "forgiveness".
Thank you for reading
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